The 'high' ground

I have always thought of myself as a thinker. Also, I think of myself as someone who does things for my own reasons, not what people want me to do.

Now the reason I mention this is that I have been thinking a fair bit lately about what I do and say. I would say that the old Stu thought in lines like this:
- I dont care what people think (in some areas)
- I think it is funny so I will say it.
- I would like to compliment someone so I will say it.
- I will behave in a certain way because I think that it is fine.

In regards to this stuff, my behaviour in the past has certainly not been non-biblical, however I wonder if it was the best thing I could have done at the time. Both for me, and the person/s involved.
Many times I have thought "no, I wouldnt do that, that's what everyone does" or "I am happy to compliment so-and-so on what she is wearing because I would like her to feel better about herself" or one of the above statements. I wouldnt want to behave in the way 'everyone else' behaves because that would mean that the world was dictating to me the way to behave and I am above that.

Now I am not really wanting to discuss at this point where those thoughts come from, more just the effect of them.

As I look back over the last 5 odd years I think that at many times and in various ways, due to thinking "I know what I mean, why don't you?" and behaviour springing from this type of thinking I have seemed:
- weird
- creepy
- desperate
- rude/insensitive
- etc.

What I have learned from thinking about this stuff is that although I am an individual and the way I am, if I dont think about what people expect to hear and are comfortable to hear/see, and dont behave in a manner within those 'boundaries' then I am doing them, and subsequently me a disservice.

I guess what I am saying is that I cant be too high and mighty to think that I am above playing the social 'game' that everyome seems to play. I wouldnt say it is like people playing games, just that there are many unwritten rules to social ineraction that are helpful to adhere to. I cant think, "I will be what I like and if you dont get it, that's too bad" because I think that for the benefit of the people around me, and as a follow on result, the benefit of me, I need to think about where others are coming from.
Knowing these things I believe that I can make others feel more comfortable around me, and as a result have more people enjoy my company.

Pets

Hey.
I just thought I would write a quick post on pets and the value they can bring to your life.

As I site here typing, Henry the cat sits beside me. He is fascinated with all I do and wants to be a part of everything I get up to.
Not that Henry is my cat, but over the last while we have grown to be great friends. Once I get sorted in Canberra, I would like to try and get a cat.

Why on earth do I say this? Well, I have realised that in situations where I could feel lonely, such as being up in Sydney, away from my friends, I feel nothing of the sort. A big part of that I think is because of Henry.

I think that when people ask me why I would like to get married, one of the first things that comes to mind is companionship. Although a pet is not a person, the kind of relationship you have with a pet is similar in some regards.

Firstly, a pet and you are each others best friends. You spend lots of time together and really enjoy each others company. Secondly, a pet isnt likely to stop hanging out with you because they are too busy/have a boy or girl friend. A pet loves it when you come home and wishes you werent away. They are also keen to snuggle which is good for the human need of physical contact.

Of course a pet is not a person, nor a substitute for a spouse, however they can be greatly helpful in easing the loneliness factor and livening up your life. As a result of hanging out with your pet, you are then able to hang out with the people you know, not needing to get validation or too much interactive time, being able to spend time with people as a 'normal' well adjusted person.
You dont need more time or effort than the next person and are happy to go with the relational flow, not clinging to people or being 'high maintenance' but relaxed, making those around you feel quite comfortable with you there.

This, I have found will help leaps and bounds with the people you spend time with.

Stu

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step....

Friends,
You may wonder why I have not written of the wonders of Canberra and my life there. Well the main reason for the lack of this kind of post is that due to work, I remain in Sydney.
Yes, mere days after I moved all of my stuff to Canberra and shut down the townhouse in Wollongong, work told me that I would be in Sydney 3 months instead of 1.
To be honest, originally I thought that this would be horrible, but due to the kindness of Leigh (my step bro) and Maya (his lady friend :)), I am able to house sit for them and look after their totally cool cat Henry.
So, I type this to you, a mere 10 minutes drive from work in North Sydney, overlooking the harbour, on the 14th floor. Totally awesome.

To be honest, life at the moment is kind of surreal.

To put it in context, as a boy growing up, I was subject to a broken home from the age of 10. My two brothers and I moved with my mum to Ulladulla. Mum worked hard but initially supported us 3 boys on a part time wage by herself. Obviously we were very poor. In moving to the new school I greatly struggled to make friendships. This was probably due to my eczema and athsma. I could easily say that during the 5 years that we lived in Ulladulla I had pretty much no friends. Due to this, and the situation I had found myself in, I suffered greatly from a lack of self confidence and low self esteem, which eventually ended up becoming depression over time.

Thanks to God's great blessings, he has enabled me to work through the depression (I still take anti-depression mediaction). I have been able to get a degree in Civil Engineering. Although I took 2 years longer than standard to finish the degree, failed subjects along the way, and general difficulty working 3 casual jobs in Sydney and trying to pass uni in Wollongong at the same time, I was able to finish uni.

Out of uni, I still struggled quite alot with depression. My first job out of uni lasted 3 painful months (due to the company being dumb and eventually me being offered a position with JN).
JN was a great place to work, however the depression still plagued me as I tried to work hard in a new job finding things difficult and having to learn most stuff from square one.

As you probably know, recently I began working for Leighton Contractors. To be honest, it has been great. They think that I am doing a great job, value my opinion and input, and expect me to be a project manager within 5 years. It feels odd, that someone who has struggled behind the 8 ball for so long would become a project manager for the largest contractor in Australia.
So, as I write to you from a unit in Pyrmont, with my lovely new car downstairs and diary full of important meetings that will use my skills to save the company thousands of dollars, I remember where I have come from, and how, basically it has been my consistent hard work and effort, not much else, that has got me here.
I could have, like many people seem to feel, that the first 25 years of my life would dictate the remainder, however it is not how it works.

Finally, in regards to all that, I consider it rubbish but for the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ.
Although the things I have been given are great gifts of God and I greatly appreciate being a confident person with what I have been given, it all pales into insignificance when compared to knowing Christ.
I would prefer to be a mentally retarded, pennyless nobody that is going to heaven than anything else this world has to offer.

With that in mind though, since God has chosen to bless me the way He has, I thank him for the short term goodness and pray that I would always seek first His kingdom and righteousness using the 'tools' He has given me to enable more people to come and know the salvation that can only be found in Christ.