I just want your extra time and your,........kiss

Well, I think it is high time I actually posted some kind of self written account of the things that have been happening in my life and how I feel about them.
What have i been up to.... hmmm
This weekend just gone has been thoroughly enjoyable.
Friday night i went to Mark and Genno's house with Tim Speed and we played cards. 4 is always such a good number for cards. We played hearts, and 'up and down the river' which i hadnt played before but found very enjoyable. Similar to 500 in that it is a trick based game with bidding and so on. Very good.
Saturday was also good with some going to the gym, together with hanging out with Pak and then sport (my legs hurt - too much running!). After sport i went home, showered and went to the Peculiars house for dinner (Pak and Stace that is). Stace made some cool wontons in the steamer and is going to give me the recipie. I just need some guinea pigs to try them out on... We also had green curry as main which was really tasty too. After that I went home and did some prep for service leading on Sunday night.
Sunday was good with meeting with Jon and Tim for a Caesars burger and chats. Jon had limited time coz his Grandmama was down so we had a short one. Still good tho. After that, more prep for Sunday which basically consisted of me writing what i had done previously out neatly. Started work on some Revelation bible studies too. I am interested to see what the E-man does with this first study. Sunday night went well and the service leading was good. I got a nice compliment from Pete which was encouraging. I also got a few chances to talk to some new dudes and some people i hadnt talked to much previously. After Supper Supper (ASS) was great too with excellent hosting by Jeremy and Kylie (stacks of great food).
Monday was (as all public holidays are) excellent. Even with Mark leaving me in the lurch with nothing to do (that's right Mark!) it was still a great day of sleeping in, doing much needed housework and ironing, playing xbox etc. I sms'd Eltham and he, Doug and I ended up playing some of a game of empire earth at bob. After that i went home and made my famous (or infamous - so famous that they are in-famous) sausage rolls for the karaoke night at the baptist church. It was a great night with much side splitting enjoyment of people singing. I sung Tom Jones' - Kiss which I have fond memories from the movie 'My Step Mother is an alien'. I also sung 'Stop right there' by the spice girls with Little Rach which was entertaining even though the words were out of sync and i only knew the chorus! Fun nonetheless! One of the best parts of the night was the completely random footage of stuff in the background of the screen. Stuff like in the middle of 'unchained melody', random footage of ducks and a horse race! Sooo, funny.
Like i said. Good weekend. God is good and I thank him greatly for the things he gives me.
Stu

On the business end of a beam of dispair!!!! - The Darkness

THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY:

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next He was doing thebreaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire.
Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998.

Old, but good.

Preparing for the Sydney Olympics Here are some questions asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site, and answers supplied where appropriate.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...
Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this October...
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: And accomplish what?
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No. Everybody stinks.
Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks...
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde...
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Yes. At Christmas.
Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.
Q: Are their killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
A: Another blonde?
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
Q: Are their places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)
A: Yes. Outdoors.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Politics made easy.

TOUR EASY GUIDE TO UPDATED POLITICS:
1. FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
2. FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
3. PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
4. APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
5. DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
6. NIGERIAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots you and sends the cows to Zurich.
7. MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
8. SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
9. PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
10. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
11. AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". The cow sues you for breach of contract.
12. BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
13. EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
14. CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
15. HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the right to all eleven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad feng shui.
16. TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
17. MALE CHAUVINISM: You have two cows. You're married to one and the other is your mother in law.
18. POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of' ownership' is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
19. COUNTERCULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man. You have got to have some of this milk.
20. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
21. TALIBANISM: You have two bovines. You take them to the football stadium. You shoot the bull with your Russian made AK74, because he's not having a beard. You shoot the cow, because she's not wearing a burqa. You poison the meat and send that to the infidels of the Northern alliance and then you apply for powdered milk from the UN relief fund.

RTA Tests

Over the last five years, the R.T.A has been covertly funding a project with Australian car makers whereby the car makers have been installing "black boxes" in all high performance cars they have manufactured.
This was to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find the last words of the drivers in 61.2% of the fatal crashes nationally were "OH CRAP!". Only, fatal crashes in the Sydney suburbs of Lakemba, Punchbowl, Wiley Park, Wetherill Park, Bankstown and Brighton were different, where over 89.3% of the final words were -"Watch this bro".

Worst...Anaglogies....Ever....

Winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay"contest, published by The Washington Post.

- He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
- She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)
- McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)
- From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
- Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
- Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.(Russell Beland, Springfield)
- Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung bymistake (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)
- Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (Unknown)
- He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)
-The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)
- Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man." (Russell Beland, Springfield)
- Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
- The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)
- They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)
- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
- The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)
- His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
- The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. (Unknown)

You know you live in Sydney when...

You know you live in Sydney when...
- You make over $100,000 per year and still can't afford a house.
- You never bother looking at the train timetable because you know the drivers have never seen it.
- You order organic fruit and vegies online, but eat out every night anyway.
- You spent more money on your coffee machine than on your washing machine.
- You spend $400+ per week for your room in an apartment with stunning harbour/beach views and European appliances; and then spend a total of 40 hours each week there (of which 37 are spent sleeping).
- You contemplate calling a taxi from your home to where you managed to park the car the night before.
- You spend 30 minutes in a traffic jam next to a car with more power to its speakers than its wheels.
- You know everyone's e-mail and mobile number but not their last name or home address.
- You can roll sushi, make pasta and keep your red curry paste recipe under lock and key...but couldn't roast a chicken to save your life.
- Your taxi driver was a micro-surgeon before he moved to Aust.
- You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
- You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational Italian or building your own website.
- A man in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps gets on the bus and you don't notice.

Irish Joke..

Latest news just to hand.......timely for St Patricks Day........Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Baptist Goodness

Last night I had a holiday from St Michaels. It worked conveniently with the school holidays and so I didnt have to be at church at 4:30 for JBS.
Turned up and found someone I knew and sat with them. The service was really good (as always) and the sermon was great. They were doing the last night of their old testament series (based on the 'Full of Promise' by Matthias studies). It was really good with the last Chapter of Nehemiah being the focus. The book of Nehemiah begins with Nehemiah praying for 'us' as in the people of Israel, however, by the end of the book, he is just praying for himself. His attitude was basically, 'I've had a go God, now I give up on these people. Please remember me.' As far as the OT timeline, this book, apart from Malachi is pretty much the last one written before the 400years of silence from God before the NT. So, just as the end of Judges, it was obvious that the people were still as depraved as ever and the problem of sin was not fixed.

Enter Jesus...

As for next week, well, it is still the holidays and I think I will go there again. Last night was really good. I met some new people (when you work full time, often all the people you know are at Church). I think i was asked if I wanted to be part of a bible study at least twice as well...heheh. Speaking of bible study, I got a couple of good ideas about some stuff we can look at as we get further towards the end of the OT.
I think we should make some shirts for the guys at bible study. "Love the OT" I think it would go down a treat!

The Virus

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451.Which album are you going to be?
Like Eltham, I don't understand the reference properly assume it has something to do with the movie of the same title. I would be Miles Davis - Kind of Blue, coz if it's really hot, it's good to be really cool.

Have you ever had a crush on a musician/pop star?
Not that I can remember.

The last album you bought was...
The soundtrack to the new Phantom of the Opera movie.

The last album you listened to was...
Before the current one, Propellerheads - Decksanddrumsandrockandroll. Sweet ass bass goodness. Thanks for the lend J.

What are you currently listening to?
Queens of the Stone Age - Songs for the deaf. Very worthy, especially the songs in 6/8. Such a worthy time signature.

Five albums you would take to a desert island...
Assuming I own them:
Dire Straits - Brothers in arms
Counting Crows - August and everything after.
St Germain - Tourist.
Ben Folds Five - Whatever and ever amen.
Spin Doctors - Pocket Full of Kryptonite
Like Eltham, i agree that variety is the key.

What is the next album you would procure, had you the choice?
Queens of the Stone Age - Songs for the deaf.

Which musician/singer would you most like to spend the day with and why?
Maybe Bono, i would smack him in the head and tell him to get into a relationship with God.

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?
Megan Cox - she's new to the blog thing and would enjoy this.
Tim Speed - Because i like his taste in music.
Lila Cook - So when i click on her link on Wordliness, she will have a blog to go to.