Godliness with Contentment is Great Gain

In one sense I have been hesitant to write a post on the topic of singleness, but a conversation I had with a friend on Saturday night helped clarify (and succinctly word) some thoughts I had on the topic, particularly with it's relevance to contentment.
Also, with Matt posting similar type posts, I thought I would add my 2 cents.
So, here we go...
It is quite easy to adopt the thoughts in one's head: "I will be happy when I meet someone". Society (and especially the media) promote this and as you start looking around, what you see seems to back up these thoughts. The TV says (I'm paraphrasing) 'sick of your unhappy life?, then go to the gym and get thin, once you are thin then the opposite sex will find you attractive and you will be happy'.
This is a big pile of poo! There are heaps of things in life that get people upset. Whether it is uni, or work, or just coz you are getting a bit sick, you cant escape life without being upset part of the way through. The trouble is that when we look at our lives we can think 'I just need someone and then I will be happy' we are fooling ourselves. Ask (or just plain observe) the married people you know. Are they happy/content people because they are married? Or because of the kind of people they are?
I think you will find it is almost always the latter. It is easy to look around and think that the single people are the uncontent ones. I dont think it just some kind of odd coincidence that the guys that seem to have most of the girls attentions seem to be the content ones.
When looking for a potential partner, I think one thing that is often thought of is: Is this person content in themself? Are they going to be my equal partner in life or am I going to have to babysit them the whole way? Am I going to be comfortable knowing that this person is content in themselves or am I going to be treading on eggshells for the rest of my life?
Now this being said, of course there is a definite place for carrying each others burdens and looking after each other. I was more commenting on what seems to make people attractive.
When talking with my friend (he is married), he said that the understanding he has come to, is that marriage is not for contentment, but for holiness.
I think the way he has put it is helpful. He didnt enter his marriage thinking that it would make him happy, he entered it thinking it would make him more holy. The presence of his wife in his life had a significant effect on his holiness. He found that his now wife encouraged him greatly towards holiness. He was holier with her in his life.
How do you go with seeking to be content in the situation you are in?. If you are like me, it is damn tough. Blocking out the message conditioned by years of living in the world is hard. Some helpful things I have found to do are:
- Try not to watch too much TV or read magazines which reinforce the incorrect thinking.
- Be proactive in organising your life to be full of things (especially hanging out with friends). This means there is less time to sit there and think your life is dull.
- Read your bible and see the great things God has done for you. Know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him. He saved you from an eternity away from Him, in the light of this, everything pales into insignificance.
- Spend time researching what life in other countries in the world is like. Especially third world countries. Next time you put the heater on, eat food till you are full, or have a hot shower, thank God that you can have these things.
- Try to aviod certain situations that are unhelpful. (especially if you are in a certain frame of mind). In one day, I went to a friends wedding and then had dinner with 2 ex-housemates and their wives. They spent most of the time talking about their married life and spouse and I had a less-than-great time. Instead, try to go to things that have mixed groups or non-clingy marrieds.
As you look around and dwell on the things you have, as opposed to the things you do not, your focus shifts from unhappiness to thanks and life is far more enjoyable. As you enjoy life, other things which you had wanted are far more likely to fall into place.
Dont get me wrong, this is all ultra hard and takes time. But as I have gone through this process (well most of it) I have been grateful to God that he has blessed me abundantly with great friends, a good job, a good car, a good place to live, never being hungry (genuinely hungry I mean), ministries, I could go on but you get the idea.
The other thing to ask is: How are you going in bringing out the best in people? Are you making them more holy by your presence or less?
If you dont have any concerns about being single then thank the Lord for that!
Comments?