One Way Streets

How do you feel when you put alot of effort into a freindship and the other person just doesnt seem to reciprocate?
To be honest, I dont like it.

I think that it is a tricky business because what I do and show to people who are friends is often different to what someone else would do. I also think it is incorrect to jump to immediate negative conclusions. But what is reasonable to expect from your friends? In one sense you should expect nothing. But, what is helpful for them to be doing to maintain the equality in the relationship.

With some people, I feel like I am the one doing all the emailing, all the instigating and basically keeping the friendship going. When I think about the one-way nature of the relationship it makes me sad. The question then is, what should I do about that? Should I do anything? Well, sometimes the person in question may just not think much about that stuff. Sometimes they are busy and in the overall scheme of things they are reciprocating, in their own way.

Sometimes however, I think I am expecting more out of the friendship than they are willing to give. At that point I think it is helpful to just take a step back and see what they do. For some people that means they dont ever make another effort to email me or whatever again. That is sad, but to be honest, a one-way relationship like that is just not helpful. I think alot of it comes back to the doormat stuff that Matt discussed.

My time is valuable, I am a great guy and if so-and-so cant see that then I am going to spend my time with someone who does appreciate me. I guess alot of it is linked to self-esteem. If you think you are worth less than standard treatment, then when some shmo treats you that way, you think it is fine. They will continue treating you that way and so reinforce your low self esteem.
In my time I have done alot of time and effort chasing people who just didnt treat me the way I should be treated. Often these were the popular people who's friendship I craved. I used to think: "If only I just did such and such...". Getting past this has been a great gift of God.

The reality though, is that you are one of God's creatures and deserve the respect and time due to you. If people treat you like you arent worth their time, then get some new friends. You deserve better.